Ok, maybe I'm trying to convince myself that I am perfect and will never indulge in overeating or drinking. I have to confess, admit to myself, that this past weekend was nothing but a reminder of what I should NOT be doing. The exact reasons I do not want to drink, and do not want to eat poorly, slapped my right in the face this weekend.
It started with drinking on Saturday. I had a few cocktails, then a few more, then a few more. I woke up Sunday feeling like hell ran through me. I did not feel healthy and I did not feel happy. What happens then? I go directly to feeding my hangover and my sulky emotions with bad food. Then, because I ate so much I felt crappy and lazy which resulted in me neglecting my yoga and meditation practice. When I step backwards and away from progress, I usually give up. That's when everything goes back to the daily "bad habit routine." This time I know that I cannot allow myself to fall back into that place that my negative-self lives. I don't like her, I'm not really proud of her, and she needs a good ass-kicking.
The hardest part is admitting that I have bad days. I really want to cheer myself on, and congratulate myself for being strong, and resisting the temptation to do things that are harmful to me. I write all of this down for myself, so that a year from now, or a couple years from now, I can read back and see how far I've come and how successful I've been in achieving my goals. I do NOT want to read back and see that I have continued on the same path of destruction.
I want to live a happy and healthy life, so I will work on this one day at a time. If I step off of this path to health, I need to immediately step back on. I do not want to take the bumpy detour that loops me right back to the place I am trying to leave. I cannot use one bad day as an excuse to have another bad day and another bad day. I forgive myself and will make a positive change in my life today. Tomorrow I will focus on the same.
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